New Chapters

It's pretty incredible how much things can change in such a small span of time. And sometimes those changes can really just turn your whole world upside down.  In the midst of changes like that, you've got to choose what you're going to do; how you're going to respond.

In the last 3 weeks, my life has been rocked. It's the events of this time that have inspired me to start this blog, because through all of this, I am choosing to count it all joy. I'm not totally sure how to do that, or what exactly it looks like, but James 1:2-4 is my aim.

Go back with me to August 22, 2011.  It's Monday; a new week is before us.  Life is generally great; one that many people wouldn't have any complaints about.  We live in a nice community in southern Wisconsin, we're part of a great church where Ryan, my husband, is employed. We've been here long enough now that we know quite a lot of the neat things to do in the city; the cool parks to go to, the good places to eat.  We've made good friends, especially through our small group. And to make things even better, we were expecting baby #2. Our Ian was going to be a big brother.  Sure there's always stuff that makes life less than perfect, but I have to admit, it was pretty good.
August 24, 2011 - Ryan and I are asked to meet with the pastor of Emmanuel and one of the board members for breakfast.  At that table, we were informed that due to inability to meet budget, the church had no other option but to cut Ryan's position.  They simply couldn't afford to keep him on staff.  There goes income, a church home, and maybe even our home here.
August 30, 2011 - I went to the doctor for a routine prenatal check-up. I'm 12 weeks pregnant.  Everything is going smoothly until we try to find the baby on the doppler.  Can't find the heart beat, but no big deal. Babies hide from these things fairly frequently.  We decide to go ahead and try an ultrasound. It'll be more fun anyway; we'll get to see the baby and make sure all is going well. Well, still can't find anything. Go to the ultrasound machine downstairs in radiology and my worst fear is confirmed. The sweet little baby in my womb has no heart beat.  On top of everything that we lost just under a week before, now we've lost our child too.  ...

How do you count that joy?  In the span of just one week, to lose so much.  If I had to count it joy out of simply my power or even desire to do so, it wouldn't happen. However, I firmly hold to the fact that God is in control of all things, and I trust Him with every part of my life.  I do not understand all He is doing, but I trust His plan and purpose. So I can count all things joy. Even these things.

In just the short time from finding all this out until now, so much has happened, and we have seen God's hand at work.
As for the job, I have to say that the process with this church has infinitely better than another situation which we had been in about a year before. We have been treated with love and with respect.  We have been well taken care of emotionally, spiritually, and financially as we make our transition.  Although it's a sad time for both us and the people of the church we are leaving behind, we feel loved leaving this place, and that's a good way to leave.
Also, God has opened doors for us at another church in Iowa. Though a small church, we see it as a tremendous opportunity to serve the Lord.  Nothing is set in stone, but we will interview at the church on September 24-25th. We're excited to see what God has set before us.

As for our baby... Our desire is that our family will bring glory to God.  Though this little one lost will never be here on earth, we want this life to bring honor to God as well. We named our baby Adaiah (pronounced A-day-uh). It means "adornment of God" or "God's precious jewel."  Ryan and I rest entirely in the hope that we will see Adaiah someday. And until we can join our baby, he/she is bring glory to his/her heavenly Father, a brilliant adornment to His family.
I don't want Adaiah to be bringing all the glory though. My greatest desire is to see God work in the midst of this loss, and to see Him use it for good for those of us who are still here.  Good friends of mine started a ministry called Hope Mommies after their daughter, Gwendolyn went to be with Jesus just 36 hours after her birth.  I have had a burden on my heart to help out with Hope Mommies efforts since it started, even more so now.  God knows what He's doing.
Since finding out about Adaiah, women in my the church have come around me and offered to help in whatever way possible.  Well, at this time, Hope Mommies is working to have a presence in as many hospitals and ob/gyn offices as possible. That presence is through providing brochures and "hope boxes," just a tangible gift of encouragement to give to bereaved mothers so they know they are not alone and not without hope.  As a Hope Mommies ambassador, I wanted to get the materials to put in my dr . office and hospital. With the help and support of the women in my church, we have people to help HM get connected with 5 different hospitals!  Also, we're working on collecting items to put together several hope boxes to put in these hospitals.  Through the loss of my child, my church family has rallied around me, and we will hopefully reach hundreds of women in Wisconsin. God is good!

I won't say that I have it all put together. I still break down and feel overwhelmed by everything going on right now.  But I have hope. I have Christ, my Redeemer and my Steadfast Rock.  I have a wonderful husband who is by my side no matter what this life brings to us. I am so blessed to have the greatest little boy who has brought so much joy to my life from day one.  I have an incredible, supportive family (both biological and spiritual) who lifts us up to the throne of God, and provides encouragement and love.  I certainly have not lost everything. I am so grateful for what has been entrusted to me.
And I rest in the hope and assurance that "God will work all things together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  I'm looking forward to seeing what He has purposed for us next.

This is counted as joy.